**Now that this blog is my new home, I'm re-publishing some of my favorite posts over here.**
originally published JUNE 15, 2011
After our attempt at weaning Lee off the pacifier failed miserably, I was content to let it ride. Forever, if necessary. I remembered possibly the best piece of parenting advice I've ever received: "They don't take their pacifiers to college."
But lo and behold about a month ago Lee stopped asking for the decrepit thing. (We were using one he'd had since infancy. Not sure what's more disturbing about that -- that we've kept up with it for nearly 4 years or that we gave a pacifier to an infant that was intended for a 6 month old. Ryan had cut off the pieces that were breaking away, which meant it was just a little rubber nub.) I insisted on putting it in the cabinet just in case he changed his mind, especially considering we weren't sure what kind of regression to expect once the new baby arrived.
Sure enough, one of her first nights home, Daniel and Eliza were in Lee's room about bedtime. I saw him look at his brother's sucky, then his sister's, and the wheels started turning. "Where's my sucky?" he asked. "I want my sucky."
I said, "I'll be right back."
"Ryan! He wants his sucky!" I whisper-shouted when I found my non-hormonal husband. I fully expected him to take over.
"So? Tell him the Sucky Fairy took it," he calmly replied.
Totally content to place the blame on someone else, I went back into Lee's room and started weaving a tale about a fairy in a red dress who showed up at the door asking for old pacifiers. She gathered them in her voluminous skirts and whisked them away to new babies who really needed them . . . like Eliza! But first she recycled them, sanitized them, and replaced their rubber nubs.
He wasn't buying. He wanted to know who saw the Sucky Fairy, who gave her his sucky, and if she would bring it back. Once again, I was perfectly happy to blame someone else.
"Um, Daddy saw her," I said. "I'll be right back."
I found Ryan again and gave him a quick crash course on The Legend of The Sucky Fairy. Then I pushed him into Lee's room to confirm her existence and the disappearance of his sucky. "This was YOUR idea!" I whisper-shouted.
Lee bought it.
The next day Grancy gave him a new gun that shoots round helicopter-things. He informed his grandparents that Daddy was going to help him build a rocket ship so he could fly up over the clouds to the Sucky Fairy's house. (She lives with the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus.) Then, he said, he was going to shoot her. Not to kill her, he reassured them, but just to knock her down and get his sucky back.
We're terrible parents. Someday the lies will come back to haunt us.